A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.
“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”
Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”
…perfect
I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect
THE ORIGINAL POST HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY
Oh my godI would watch/read the hell out of this shit
I used to get in trouble with my mentor in undergrad because I was obsessed with this style of chair and every period piece where it would fit, I’d cram one into my scene design. If I knew a three-person one existed my 21-year-old brain would have exploded in joy.
The three way chair is called the “indiscrète”, the “indiscreet” because you could peep on a two way conversation 😏🤭
Having big tits is nice and all until you got home and take off your clothes to see food crumbs falling out of your chest and bra.
Or when you start to have back pains.
I’ve always had big boobs. Never had back pains. So I can’t even imagine what’s that like.
The crumbs. The unidentified bits falling out of your chest. The coins and bills? The sweat. The weird ass bits of skin under your boobs. The pain on your shoulders , side of your ribcage and your back. The overall pain of the cute but restrictive bra~~~~~
This is a big, giant list of Youtube tutorials that will teach you all the basic life skills you need to know in order to be a functional adult. There are a lot of important skills that aren’t included in this list, but this should be enough of a basic guide to get you started and prevent you from making a total mess of yourself. Happy adulting!
If there’s ever anything you want that isn’t on this list…youtube it. Everyone always comments on my handiness, but everything I know comes from an old guy and his iphone.
everyone who reads this post will get some bigspicyjoy within 24 large minutes (hours)
Ok y'all but like I’m not even kidding about this I read this post yesterday and today I got an email from the peeps at hamilton and I won the lotto gor $10 tickets and I would like to give all my thanks to the internet’s favorite fish, Goldie Gurston, for making this possible because I totally believe they did this with their amazing gay powers
So I know this is likely a coincidence…but I reblogged this and just now discovered I’ve been given a $150 amazon gift card as a bonus at work. So thank you, fish!
If it worked for them I hope it works for everyone else
Somebigspicy joy pls
SOMEBIG SPICYJOY PLEASE
i request the bigspicy joy
Update: I got told today that I can get my mental health therapy services for FREE😄🗣🥳
I’ve seen a lot of curious people wanting to dive into classical music but don’t know where to start, so I have written out a list of pieces to listen to depending on mood. I’ve only put out a few, but please add more if you want to. hope this helps y’all out. :)
this will be so long and it keeps getting longer!! so I hope you’re ready. I’ve read all of these, so ask me if you have any questions about them! If you’re looking for more masterposts, try @wlwbooksource
Genre Fic w Major WLW Couples
The Abyss Surrounds Us Duology by Emily Skrutskie: lesbian pirate x lesbian sea monster trainer in the future. Literally. One of my proudest achievements is giving this book hype. The author draws fanart of Swift and Cas kissing and posts it to her tumblr (again, not kidding, there’s some on my blog). Main character is asian. otp: equal footing
The Scorpion Rules Duology by Erin Bow: literally one of my fave books of all time, amazingly complex villain, super strong bi girl protag and her adorable bi gf, you will be genuinely confused which side is good and which side is bad, the three main characters are So Good, tw for an unhappy ending to this one but it’s… not any of the tropes. also a semi-hopeful end in the sequel which was?? good??
Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore!!! oh my god I love this book. it’s got a bi girl as the protagonist and it’s super atmospheric and interesting and references all these classics but is also modern and her romance plot is genuinely Iconic
In Ageless Sleep by Arden Ellis: if you want a sci-fi novella with some hella good romance. especially for being approximately 50 pages.
Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire!! if you want a wlw novella that talks about gender roles and is the sequel to A FUCKING HUGO AWARD WINNER. this series is super diverse in so many ways.
That Inevitable Victorian Thing by E.K. Johnston: wow can’t believe E.K. Johnston invented writing stories driven by women?? it’s about polyamory in a scifi futuristic victorian Canada. and yes, it is exactly as amazing as it sounds.
Dreadnought Duology by April Daniels: okay it’s about a trans girl who becomes a superhero and dates another superhero girl and yes it IS amazing.
Otherbound: f/f romance with a bi girl as main character. There’s literally not a single white character. It’s about body swapping and fantasy! talks frankly about the issues in the main relationship, suspenseful. Sense8 in a way.
Ash and Huntress by Malinda Lo: occur in the same world, although you don’t have to read both. Ash is lesbian cinderella. Huntress focuses more on character development and is my personal favorite, but tw for a bittersweet ending. Malinda Lo also wrote the Adaptation series, featuring a bisexual protag and her alien gf, but that one wasn’t my favorite. I know a lot of people who love it though!
The Dark Wife by Sara Diemer: girl Persephone / Hades. My gay classics student ass unabashedly loved this. I think you can get it free on the author'a blog? Attempted rape tw (not between the main couple, their relationship was entirely consensual)
Monstress by Marjorie M. Liu and Sana Takeda: Another Hugo Award winner but this time a graphic novel!! it’s complicated but it’s super worth it and all the mcs are morally ambiguous woc
Contemporary w Major WLW Couples
A & B by J.C. Lillis!! y'all have GOT to read this. it’s seriously the most delightful enemies-to-lovers filled-with-banter novel and maybe my fav romance book ever?? it’s fucking HILARIOUS.
Love Letters To The Dead: the wlw “side-romance” is honestly given just as much screentime as (if not more than) the main romance. literally one of my all-time favorite romances in anything ever, I read this book in my questioning phase and it changed my life
This Is Where It Ends: lesbians at a school shooting, primarily non-white characters, you will cry (spoilers: they both live and stay together)
Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley: 1960s civil rights era lesbians, ends happily. It emphasizes all of the problematic tropes often used in “overcoming racism” stories and why they’re not okay. This was recced to me by a black person so I trust that assessment. I also really love her other books, which have a lot of wlw as well.
Lies My Girlfriend Told Me: Basically: Girl #1 finds out her dead girlfriend was cheating on her with Girl #2. Girl #1 and Girl #2 fall in love. This book is so adorable. The author has several thousand other wlw books so knock yourselves out.
Tell Me Again How A Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan: a cheesefest with racial diversity. I love this book so much (it’s so good and PURE) even though it’s not hugely deep.
You Know Me Well by David Levithan + Nina Lacour: The authors alone should be enough to make you want to read this. I still am lowkey bitter the two boys didn’t end up together, but they stay friends and all so it’s fine. Found family!
Afterworlds by Scott Westerfeld: Storyline between two girl authors in New York, ends happily!! also the protagonist was confirmed acearo spec on Twitter which is pretty obvious if you read the book. I’ve heard his other series Zeroes has lesbians too
Everything Leads To You by Nina Lacour: moviemaker wlw! cheesy as all hell, but adorable and really deep. very much recommended if you’re into moviemaking or acting
Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde: I think everyone has read this already but it’s Pure and about fandom
Get It Together Delilah / the Flywheel by Erin Gough: read this if you want cute cheesy girls falling in love at a coffee shop!!
for some of my fav shorts!! the story How from Roxane Gay’s Difficult Women is one of my fav wlw short stories ever. Also try out Alyssa Wong’s Hungry Daughters of Starving Mothers, it’s free from tor and really fucking great!! and Nic Stone’s Happy Beginning from the Welcome Home anthology is a beautiful cinnamon roll of a story that I’ll never get over and I’d die for her
Some That Aren’t Love Stories Quite As Much:
Far From You by Tess Sharpe: crime thriller with bi / recovering drug addict main character and major f/f romance. Not a happy ending for the couple bc the romance is in the past, but happy ending for the protagonist. This is one of my all time fave books not even lying
Exit Pursued By A Bear by EK Johnston: About the main character’s rape and her subsequent abortion. Main character does not have a romance plot, but her best friend (the second most important character) is a lesbian and falls in love with another friend. This one doesn’t belong quite as much, but it’s one of my all time favorite books ever and it’s all about female friendship / love and it’s?? pure?? (ALSO READ HER OTHER BOOK A THOUSAND NIGHTS ID DIE FOR EK JOHNSTON)
Cherry: About female friendships and relationships with sex, really feminist. There are four girls, one realizes she’s gay, and her friends are just so pure and supportive about it???? there’s a bit of romance but I still feel like it’s more about the friendships between the girls.
Beauty Queens by Libba Bray: f/f romance, one lesbian one bi girl and one trans girl. Hilarious social commentary, very feminist, lots of woc. Libba Bray also has another hist fiction series that I’ve heard is gay (the first book is called A Great And Terrible Beauty) but I don’t know much about it.
Kissing The Witch: Sometimes-gay versions of fairytales, really really interesting and pure and GREAT.
Tricks and sequel Traffick by Ellen Hopkins: about kids forced into prositution, so all the tws. among main characters, there’s a gay guy and a bi girl! Ignore the back that says “four straight one gay” because it’s a lie and publishers need to shut up. The bi girl is just?? such an amazing character and I love her with all my heart.
If You Could Be Mine by Sara Farizan: realistic fiction about what wlw in Iran have to go through. tw for a not-great end for the couple, but there’s no death and the main character is happy. It’s more about the self-acceptance of the main character than about the romance.
Ask The Passengers by A.S. King: magical realism kind of? more about coming out than about romance. Happy ending.
The Miseducation Of Cameron Post by Emily Danforth: again, more about coming out, but wow this book is amazing. Happy ending for the girl, not for the couple.
Fucked-Up Female Friendships Aesthetic
Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls by: This book is so freaky and messed up and I’m still not exactly sure how it ended, but it still blew me away. The Mr and Mrs Smith wlw au you never knew you wanted, although I’m not going to spoil how. Fucked up ending but still happyish?
Dare Me by Megan Abbot: This book is creepy as fuck and revolves around the relationship between two girls which is… really gay, like canonically gay. I liked this a lot, but be warned that it’s not a romance. Happy ending mostly?
Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas: This one had a lot of wasted potential in the form of a well-built story about the craziness of rich kids partying, but it is a very good murder mystery focused around two girls.
